On Wanting To Punch People

I'm really frustrated right now. There was nothing I fancied more tonight than the thought of tucking into a pint perhaps, or else grabbing a disgustingly butter drenched popcorn and watching some lame scary movie. It wasn't even the actual act of watching the movie or drinking the pint that I fancied. No, what I was really looking forward to was the SHEER act of getting out of the house. Getting out of this stifling house, for just a few hours, and escaping the fact that my life is a complete bore.

Instead, I'm left sitting on my bed, my laptop on my lap, all dressed up with nowhere to go, typing in my blog. I feel like some lame twenty-something computer geek who hasn't been laid in years. I'm not so far off from that. Is this really my life? Is this really the life I have chosen to live? Being reliant on people deciding when they have time to hang out with me? When did I totally lose control of my life? How is it that I'm constantly waiting on other people to make room for me? I sometimes wish I could, for once, be the one making room for other people. I wonder what it's like to call the shots, and be in control.

Maybe it's just a problem with me. Maybe I pick friends that are flakes. Or perhaps I'm deluding myself into thinking I even have friends. Admittedly, the friendships I have are shaky at best. I'd more likely call them acquaintances. I suppose, if I admit to that truth, then it makes sense that people are constantly cancelling on me. If it's 'just Krista', then really it's not that much of a bother.

Don't bother thinking this rant is aimed at one person in particular. It's aimed at a few. It's aimed at nearly every person I've met in England; all of whom didn't deem it important enough to come out two weeks ago and meet my friends from Canada when I asked them to come out. Apparently the 'it's just Krista' also applies if you tack on 'and her friends from Canada'. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I'm stumbling upon the horrid truth of the matter; that British people are extraordinarily self centered assholes, who don't give two shits about what other people are thinking. Instant gratification for yourself is key to survival in this country, I've learnt.

Well, fuck you all. You can kiss my white Canadian ass. I'm sorry I'm nice. I'm sorry that when I say 'I'm in' I mean it. Most of all, I'm bloody sorry I even cared at all. The British way is to stop caring, so maybe I should do just that.

Sod it.

The worst of it all is that I was having a really marvelous day today. I even got PRAISED at work - and this is the kicker - twice. I nearly pissed my pants. Twice. I kid you not.

But anyways, the day's been marred and now I'm in a hell of a grumpy mood.

I think the best thing to do is head into Waitrose and try to wrangle up something to eat.

And a large bottle of wine, if I can afford it.

I'd go without a meal, for a bottle of wine right now.

I'm developing a problem.