On Being Apprehensive About The New Year

I've got a few days of freedom left.

The new school year, which entails a new school for me, starts in just over a week's time. I thought I'd be a lot better prepared for this, mentally, but as the date looms nearer and nearer, I start to feel more and more nervous about it. Despite the fact that I now have a full years teaching experience under my belt, I am still very afraid that I am 'unskilled' in the ways of teaching. I worry now that I caught some sort of break at Swavesey (though, even in writing that I have to contain a chuckle, as that cannot possibly be true), and magically was able to make my way through the year. What if I am not cut out for this new school? What if the students are even more horrendous to me, and they cause me to suffer any number of clamities, up to and including a mental breakdown?!

I know you may think I am being silly and melodramatic, and I will admit that I am. However, one cannot escape such nagging thoughts. In the back of my mind I know that I am a great teacher. I also know that I'm a pretty strong woman, to have made it this far. I also know I'm in a much better position this year than I was last year. I think if you go back and read what I was writing at this time last year (it was August 23rd, 2008 that I landed in England!)there will be a stark difference in narrative; I was so obviously unskilled and unversed in a large number of things. I didn't know the British Curriculum. I didn't have any friends. I didn't have a place to live. I didn't understand the accents. I didn't understand the culture and the customs (trust me, there are stark differences). I now have a much better grasp on nearly all of those things, the accent aside. A year in, and I still struggle to understand some of what people are saying to me, my own boyfriend included. It's a slow process, I reckon.

I think the one thing that will really help me out this year is my newfound understanding of the curriculum, and the way things work here. I struggled for months with the curriculum last year, and it wasn't until I was thrown head-first into things that it started to click for me. Now I have a pretty good understanding of how things work, and will be starting the year with a much more solid foundation, in terms of where I need to go with my students. I floundered last year, quite badly. I will be the first to admit that the first two terms (all the way to Christmas) were pretty much rubbish. My teaching was rubbish, my assignments were rubbish, and my marking was rubbish. It wasn't until I had time for a little reflection (and a new laptop, with a much easier to manipulate Microsoft PowerPoint 2007) that I truly came into my own. Now I think I can create and plan really visually awesome and mentally stimulating lessons, using my creativity (which grew out of my increasing comfort with the curriculum) and my technological flare. I am by no means a computer whiz; I don't make elaborately complicated presentations, but I do make them very visually appealing, and try to include as little text as possible. For me, the PowerPoints are not about getting loads of boring information across to the students. Instead, they are my interactive lesson plans. Instead of writing my lessons plans out on paper, I include all my steps (and reminders to myself, in very subtle language) on various slides. With loads of images, videos and sounds. It's the best and easiest way for me to plan my lessons, and the students seem to respond well to them. They know that every lesson I do includes a PowerPoint, and when they're off ill, or for any other reason, they know they can ask me for the PowerPoint they missed to be able to see what we did.

It works well for me, and is something I am good at. I plan to do it for the forseeable future. It's a skill I didnt' have at this time last year, but one I definitely have now.

I hope that the students at my new school come to appreciate my style of teaching, because I know it took some time at the old one. Time for the students to come to terms with me, as a person and a teacher. I'm going to try to start off being more strict. I have to earn their respect as a teacher first and foremost, which was something I struggled with last year. I am going to follow the school rules to a T, and be consistent. Once we've established that I mean business, then I can let up and get comfortable. But I'm smarter now. I know that being nice to students right off the bat will not get you anywhere. It just shows them you're weak. I don't want to be the pushover this year, and the only person who can control that happening is me.

I'm going to give it my all, and hope for the best.

I'm still nervous though. Dreadfully nervous. But a wise friend of mine once said that being nervous is a good thing, because it shows you care.

Obviously I do care; I want to be the best teacher I can be. I want to be the best teacher in the school. Or at least have the students view me that way. At the end of the day, that's what matters most to me; having students view me as an effective and good teacher.

Fingers crossed that I can achieve that level of success.

Cheers.