On Stress

I know that lately I've been saying that I've been a lot happier than I was last year, and while that isn't necessarily a lie, I feel like sometimes it's a bit of a stretch. My personal life is top-notch; I love my boyfriend, I love my housemates, and I love my friends. However, I feel as if my job isn't as brilliant as I sometimes say. I DO love my department. They are everything that I've ever said they are; supportive, helpful, caring. Its the kids that are really starting to get to me. They're not necessarily horrible and full of malice...but they are a lot more different than I'd initially thought. They're much more complacent and rude. They consistently talk when I am talking. At least a my old school, when I got really stroppy at them, they'd take the hint and shut up. At this school, its almost as if they don't hear me at all. They're so apathetic, it often leaves me feeling distraught. I feel as if I'm screeching all day, trying to get students to shut their mouths and just pay me some attention. Its not ALL the students that are like that, but it's a large majority of most of my groups. There are a few students in each group who stare at me, their eyes pleading with me, wishing that we could just get on with it.

I feel bad for these children, because I am incapable of handling large masses of disobedient children. I'm not sure what tactics should be used, when you've got more children disobeying than obeying. Do you send out all the children at the same time? It's impossible! I may have to ask some of my colleagues what they do...but I am a bit afraid of looking and sounding like a complete idiot. I should know how to handle the kids by now...I don't want to be the only one who has issues like this..

...its just stressful. I often leave the school feeling fully drained. I feel much more drained than I did last year, and I never thought that'd be the case. Perhaps some of that is due to Michael not being around to comfort me when I need him. I'm not sure... it could be any number of things, but mostly it has to do with the kids pushing me to my mental limit, by completely ignoring me.

Anyways, I'm off to relax and watch some telly.

Ta.