Geez, I really did not think that it would be nearly two months before I came back on here, to update you about my comings and goings! I could probably spout off a number of excuses, but I think that ultimately there is no need. As you know, I started a new job this September, and I've been fairly busy keeping on top of things. Its been a good year, but it hasn't been without its challenges. I must admit I am much more confident this year, and I am not making the mistakes I made last year either. However, I am nowhere near where I want to be, in terms of my knowledge of British curriculum, but I think I have a good working knowledge of it. I couldn't quote you things about what the curriculum entails, but I can certainly use it enough to back up all the lessons that I plan.
Anyways, I don't really want to bore people by blabbing on and on about the curriculum, because regardless of where you are, that is bureaucratic bullshit. The bottom line is that I am much happier this year than I was last year, and it mostly has to do with the people I work with. They are a very lovely and supportive bunch, who are genuinely concerned about me as a person first, and a teacher second. It's really nice to be welcomed and accepted into a department for who I am, and for what I can bring to the table. I feel as if my efforts do not go unnoticed, and that I am actually appreciated. It's a nice change, and it goes miles in making me a happier teacher and person.
I have, however, had some issues that have been of major concern for me. My visa has been a huge bone of contention. I don't want to get into the specifics of it here and now, but at the root of it is the fact that the school 'underestimated' (their words) what it would take to get me a legal working visa. The truth is they didn't even consider it until it was too late, and when they started to look into what it would take to get me a working visa, they realized they'd let too much time pass.
The news was broken to me, over my lunch break, that after November 9th the school could no longer legally employ me on my current visa. I was dumbstruck. I wasn't entirely sure what was expected of me, or what this news even meant. Was I out of a job on that date? Were they forcing me back home, and saying 'Sorry about your luck?'. I started to cry in the Finance office, and asked 'What do you want me to do?'.
I was told I would have to go back to Canada, and re-apply.
'I can't go back until Christmas. I can't afford it...' was my reply.
All I got in return was a blank stare. The man pushed a box of tissues at me. I took one, wiped my eyes and stood up.
'This is bullshit!' I said, before slamming the door and leaving.
I walked back to the English office, crying all the way. When I sat down, everyone was around me, asking what was wrong. The Department head quickly ushered me out of the office and into her own private one. She asked what was wrong, and when I explained she was livid. She stormed out of the room, and came back a few moments later. She told me I wouldn't be teaching the last lesson of the day - two of my colleagues would split my group - and that I should spend the last hour trying to sort out the next steps to take. She also had me call the union.
I did as she said, and called the union, as well as searched the Internet for answers.
To make a long story short, I found out that the school COULD have had me apply for a leave to remain, which would have gotten me a working permit at the school for up to three years, or until termination of employment. However, you need at least a month to put in that application, and I wouldn't have had time, at this stage, to do that. The only option was that I return to Canada.
I called home, and sorted it out with my Mum that I would come home on my October half term, and get the ball rolling as quickly as possible.
The next day, I e-mailed the Finance guy, telling him I would go home in October, but that they had to support me through it, with the knowledge that when I returned I would retain my job AND be paid for the time I missed. I also asked for some compensation for the visa application (which was not cheap), and asked if they'd also help comp the flight.
I got a reply back saying he'd managed to sort out my staying until Christmas (how convenient), and that they'd give me 150 pounds towards the costs on my return to England and that the job would be waiting for me should I return to England. I am still a bit annoyed at the terms in which it was worded to me, but in the end I cannot do much else. I am returning home at Christmas, and have booked an appointment to apply for a working visa - it could get turned down, in which case I will be royally screwed, but I am really hoping that it is not. I hate to say this, because I know it hurts people back home, but I do have a life here in England, and its not one that I want to give up. I have a wonderful boyfriend, whom I love more than anything. I also really, really enjoy my job, and adore the people I work with. I have high hopes of spending a good number of years at this school, working and developing my own teaching. I've already been asked to help teach a Media course next year, which would be amazing! I have great hopes for my future in England, and I would hate for it all to be cut short, simply because the school 'underestimated' the visa application process. I feel cheated by the school, and if I don't get the visa, I'm not entirely sure what I will do...
But anyways, I'm told myself that I must remain positive throughout this whole thing. I don't know why I would be denied the visa, and I just have to keep thinking that that will not happen. I will get the visa, and I will return, and do what I was meant to do!
I'll blog more later! I promise it won't be so long in between!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
On The New Year
Well, I am three full days into the new school year, and slowly but surely I feel as if things are off to a good start.
The first day was a bit of a write off, as I had to stay with my form group for two lessons (doing nothing, essentially, which was a huge bore), taught lesson three and four, and then had a whole school assembly lesson five. The students I had for those two lessons seemed decent enough. The one group was a bottom set ten group; this means that typically they're the weaker students, the ones who need a little bit more one-on-one work. There are 7 students in the class, in total, as well as one TA (Teachers Assistant). She seemed like a bit of a finger-pointer - all flash, no substance - but I could have hastily judged her. We shall see. The second group was one of my two top set year eight groups. They were chatty and energetic, but it was nothing I couldn't handle.
Yesterday was the first full teaching day for me, and again it went decently enough. I'd like to say that it went better than my first full day last year, but when I try to think back to that day, I am left with a blank. I think after I publish this post I may go back and read what I wrote last year, to refresh my memory a little bit. Anyways, the day was decent, as I said. There wasn't a whole lot that really stood out in my mind worth mentioning.
Besides my form group, that is.
We are NOT getting off on the right foot. It's a group of year 11 students, and I feel as if they are severely trying to take advantage of my 'new to the school' status. This school is quite hard on the uniform policy, though I can understand why. The uniform at the school is much nicer than at my previous school; there is a white button up polo, tie, pullover and blazer that makes up the entire uniform. Students are expected to wear the entire uniform, blazer included, at all times. Only when the teacher says students can remove their blazers are they allowed to take it off. My students, however, keep pushing the uniform boundaries with me. I walked in this morning, and had been there only a few seconds, when a more senior member of staff walked through my room.
I don't know how she did it, she must have amazing eyesight, because she instantly lit into a girl for having nail polish on (it is against the rules). She hauled her out of the room, and gave her a tongue lashing in the hall before sending her to remove the polish. She then came back, and put the entire class to task for 'taking advantage of such a young and promising young teacher'. They sat silent, eyes down, as she had a go at them, and I was secretly quite happy that someone could finally get them to shut up.
However, as soon as she left, they started to kick off again. I tried to relay some messages, and they continued to talk over me. I stood there, mouth open, for a moment, trying to muster up the energy required to screech at them.
I didn't have to though, as the department head chose this moment to make her presence known; she also came in, guns blazing, at my form. She took them to task again for being disrespectful to me, glowering down at any eyes that chanced to look at her.
After the second telling-off, they settled down for the rest of our time together, but it wasn't an ideal start to the day. It also left a bad taste in my mouth, in terms of the year 11 class I was going to meet that afternoon. It made me very nervous about that group. I kept thinking of all the ways the lesson could go wrong, and it was starting to put my stomach in a knot.
However, as soon as the year 11 group came into my room, I knew I'd misjudged the year group. They were lovely, mature, and listened to me. They were the first group all week to sit silently and do the short writing task I assigned. I was awed. I told them as such. They had a chuckle, and said that last year they'd been quite chatty, and that likely they'd have chatty days this year as well, but that they'd try to buckle down. They seemed to have a lot of respect for each other, listening to each other as they spoke. This is a good sign to me, because it means that if I can gain their respect they will treat me the same, and not talk when I talk.
Anyways, I started the day with a very poor start, but ended it on a very high note. I am left now feeling pretty strongly about things, and I hope that this feeling remains. I would love to have a happy year this year, instead of the turbulent one I had last year.
I will keep you posted.
The first day was a bit of a write off, as I had to stay with my form group for two lessons (doing nothing, essentially, which was a huge bore), taught lesson three and four, and then had a whole school assembly lesson five. The students I had for those two lessons seemed decent enough. The one group was a bottom set ten group; this means that typically they're the weaker students, the ones who need a little bit more one-on-one work. There are 7 students in the class, in total, as well as one TA (Teachers Assistant). She seemed like a bit of a finger-pointer - all flash, no substance - but I could have hastily judged her. We shall see. The second group was one of my two top set year eight groups. They were chatty and energetic, but it was nothing I couldn't handle.
Yesterday was the first full teaching day for me, and again it went decently enough. I'd like to say that it went better than my first full day last year, but when I try to think back to that day, I am left with a blank. I think after I publish this post I may go back and read what I wrote last year, to refresh my memory a little bit. Anyways, the day was decent, as I said. There wasn't a whole lot that really stood out in my mind worth mentioning.
Besides my form group, that is.
We are NOT getting off on the right foot. It's a group of year 11 students, and I feel as if they are severely trying to take advantage of my 'new to the school' status. This school is quite hard on the uniform policy, though I can understand why. The uniform at the school is much nicer than at my previous school; there is a white button up polo, tie, pullover and blazer that makes up the entire uniform. Students are expected to wear the entire uniform, blazer included, at all times. Only when the teacher says students can remove their blazers are they allowed to take it off. My students, however, keep pushing the uniform boundaries with me. I walked in this morning, and had been there only a few seconds, when a more senior member of staff walked through my room.
I don't know how she did it, she must have amazing eyesight, because she instantly lit into a girl for having nail polish on (it is against the rules). She hauled her out of the room, and gave her a tongue lashing in the hall before sending her to remove the polish. She then came back, and put the entire class to task for 'taking advantage of such a young and promising young teacher'. They sat silent, eyes down, as she had a go at them, and I was secretly quite happy that someone could finally get them to shut up.
However, as soon as she left, they started to kick off again. I tried to relay some messages, and they continued to talk over me. I stood there, mouth open, for a moment, trying to muster up the energy required to screech at them.
I didn't have to though, as the department head chose this moment to make her presence known; she also came in, guns blazing, at my form. She took them to task again for being disrespectful to me, glowering down at any eyes that chanced to look at her.
After the second telling-off, they settled down for the rest of our time together, but it wasn't an ideal start to the day. It also left a bad taste in my mouth, in terms of the year 11 class I was going to meet that afternoon. It made me very nervous about that group. I kept thinking of all the ways the lesson could go wrong, and it was starting to put my stomach in a knot.
However, as soon as the year 11 group came into my room, I knew I'd misjudged the year group. They were lovely, mature, and listened to me. They were the first group all week to sit silently and do the short writing task I assigned. I was awed. I told them as such. They had a chuckle, and said that last year they'd been quite chatty, and that likely they'd have chatty days this year as well, but that they'd try to buckle down. They seemed to have a lot of respect for each other, listening to each other as they spoke. This is a good sign to me, because it means that if I can gain their respect they will treat me the same, and not talk when I talk.
Anyways, I started the day with a very poor start, but ended it on a very high note. I am left now feeling pretty strongly about things, and I hope that this feeling remains. I would love to have a happy year this year, instead of the turbulent one I had last year.
I will keep you posted.
Friday, August 21, 2009
On Being Apprehensive About The New Year
I've got a few days of freedom left.
The new school year, which entails a new school for me, starts in just over a week's time. I thought I'd be a lot better prepared for this, mentally, but as the date looms nearer and nearer, I start to feel more and more nervous about it. Despite the fact that I now have a full years teaching experience under my belt, I am still very afraid that I am 'unskilled' in the ways of teaching. I worry now that I caught some sort of break at Swavesey (though, even in writing that I have to contain a chuckle, as that cannot possibly be true), and magically was able to make my way through the year. What if I am not cut out for this new school? What if the students are even more horrendous to me, and they cause me to suffer any number of clamities, up to and including a mental breakdown?!
I know you may think I am being silly and melodramatic, and I will admit that I am. However, one cannot escape such nagging thoughts. In the back of my mind I know that I am a great teacher. I also know that I'm a pretty strong woman, to have made it this far. I also know I'm in a much better position this year than I was last year. I think if you go back and read what I was writing at this time last year (it was August 23rd, 2008 that I landed in England!)there will be a stark difference in narrative; I was so obviously unskilled and unversed in a large number of things. I didn't know the British Curriculum. I didn't have any friends. I didn't have a place to live. I didn't understand the accents. I didn't understand the culture and the customs (trust me, there are stark differences). I now have a much better grasp on nearly all of those things, the accent aside. A year in, and I still struggle to understand some of what people are saying to me, my own boyfriend included. It's a slow process, I reckon.
I think the one thing that will really help me out this year is my newfound understanding of the curriculum, and the way things work here. I struggled for months with the curriculum last year, and it wasn't until I was thrown head-first into things that it started to click for me. Now I have a pretty good understanding of how things work, and will be starting the year with a much more solid foundation, in terms of where I need to go with my students. I floundered last year, quite badly. I will be the first to admit that the first two terms (all the way to Christmas) were pretty much rubbish. My teaching was rubbish, my assignments were rubbish, and my marking was rubbish. It wasn't until I had time for a little reflection (and a new laptop, with a much easier to manipulate Microsoft PowerPoint 2007) that I truly came into my own. Now I think I can create and plan really visually awesome and mentally stimulating lessons, using my creativity (which grew out of my increasing comfort with the curriculum) and my technological flare. I am by no means a computer whiz; I don't make elaborately complicated presentations, but I do make them very visually appealing, and try to include as little text as possible. For me, the PowerPoints are not about getting loads of boring information across to the students. Instead, they are my interactive lesson plans. Instead of writing my lessons plans out on paper, I include all my steps (and reminders to myself, in very subtle language) on various slides. With loads of images, videos and sounds. It's the best and easiest way for me to plan my lessons, and the students seem to respond well to them. They know that every lesson I do includes a PowerPoint, and when they're off ill, or for any other reason, they know they can ask me for the PowerPoint they missed to be able to see what we did.
It works well for me, and is something I am good at. I plan to do it for the forseeable future. It's a skill I didnt' have at this time last year, but one I definitely have now.
I hope that the students at my new school come to appreciate my style of teaching, because I know it took some time at the old one. Time for the students to come to terms with me, as a person and a teacher. I'm going to try to start off being more strict. I have to earn their respect as a teacher first and foremost, which was something I struggled with last year. I am going to follow the school rules to a T, and be consistent. Once we've established that I mean business, then I can let up and get comfortable. But I'm smarter now. I know that being nice to students right off the bat will not get you anywhere. It just shows them you're weak. I don't want to be the pushover this year, and the only person who can control that happening is me.
I'm going to give it my all, and hope for the best.
I'm still nervous though. Dreadfully nervous. But a wise friend of mine once said that being nervous is a good thing, because it shows you care.
Obviously I do care; I want to be the best teacher I can be. I want to be the best teacher in the school. Or at least have the students view me that way. At the end of the day, that's what matters most to me; having students view me as an effective and good teacher.
Fingers crossed that I can achieve that level of success.
Cheers.
The new school year, which entails a new school for me, starts in just over a week's time. I thought I'd be a lot better prepared for this, mentally, but as the date looms nearer and nearer, I start to feel more and more nervous about it. Despite the fact that I now have a full years teaching experience under my belt, I am still very afraid that I am 'unskilled' in the ways of teaching. I worry now that I caught some sort of break at Swavesey (though, even in writing that I have to contain a chuckle, as that cannot possibly be true), and magically was able to make my way through the year. What if I am not cut out for this new school? What if the students are even more horrendous to me, and they cause me to suffer any number of clamities, up to and including a mental breakdown?!
I know you may think I am being silly and melodramatic, and I will admit that I am. However, one cannot escape such nagging thoughts. In the back of my mind I know that I am a great teacher. I also know that I'm a pretty strong woman, to have made it this far. I also know I'm in a much better position this year than I was last year. I think if you go back and read what I was writing at this time last year (it was August 23rd, 2008 that I landed in England!)there will be a stark difference in narrative; I was so obviously unskilled and unversed in a large number of things. I didn't know the British Curriculum. I didn't have any friends. I didn't have a place to live. I didn't understand the accents. I didn't understand the culture and the customs (trust me, there are stark differences). I now have a much better grasp on nearly all of those things, the accent aside. A year in, and I still struggle to understand some of what people are saying to me, my own boyfriend included. It's a slow process, I reckon.
I think the one thing that will really help me out this year is my newfound understanding of the curriculum, and the way things work here. I struggled for months with the curriculum last year, and it wasn't until I was thrown head-first into things that it started to click for me. Now I have a pretty good understanding of how things work, and will be starting the year with a much more solid foundation, in terms of where I need to go with my students. I floundered last year, quite badly. I will be the first to admit that the first two terms (all the way to Christmas) were pretty much rubbish. My teaching was rubbish, my assignments were rubbish, and my marking was rubbish. It wasn't until I had time for a little reflection (and a new laptop, with a much easier to manipulate Microsoft PowerPoint 2007) that I truly came into my own. Now I think I can create and plan really visually awesome and mentally stimulating lessons, using my creativity (which grew out of my increasing comfort with the curriculum) and my technological flare. I am by no means a computer whiz; I don't make elaborately complicated presentations, but I do make them very visually appealing, and try to include as little text as possible. For me, the PowerPoints are not about getting loads of boring information across to the students. Instead, they are my interactive lesson plans. Instead of writing my lessons plans out on paper, I include all my steps (and reminders to myself, in very subtle language) on various slides. With loads of images, videos and sounds. It's the best and easiest way for me to plan my lessons, and the students seem to respond well to them. They know that every lesson I do includes a PowerPoint, and when they're off ill, or for any other reason, they know they can ask me for the PowerPoint they missed to be able to see what we did.
It works well for me, and is something I am good at. I plan to do it for the forseeable future. It's a skill I didnt' have at this time last year, but one I definitely have now.
I hope that the students at my new school come to appreciate my style of teaching, because I know it took some time at the old one. Time for the students to come to terms with me, as a person and a teacher. I'm going to try to start off being more strict. I have to earn their respect as a teacher first and foremost, which was something I struggled with last year. I am going to follow the school rules to a T, and be consistent. Once we've established that I mean business, then I can let up and get comfortable. But I'm smarter now. I know that being nice to students right off the bat will not get you anywhere. It just shows them you're weak. I don't want to be the pushover this year, and the only person who can control that happening is me.
I'm going to give it my all, and hope for the best.
I'm still nervous though. Dreadfully nervous. But a wise friend of mine once said that being nervous is a good thing, because it shows you care.
Obviously I do care; I want to be the best teacher I can be. I want to be the best teacher in the school. Or at least have the students view me that way. At the end of the day, that's what matters most to me; having students view me as an effective and good teacher.
Fingers crossed that I can achieve that level of success.
Cheers.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
On The End Of My First Year Teaching
Gosh, I am being really shit at this blogging thing lately, aren't I? I used to be so regular at it, and then all of a sudden I got a social life, and bam, no more time for me to record my thoughts. I am terribly sorry for those of you who get a kick out of reading this. I got a kick out of writing it, mainly because I have a penchant for blathering on mindlessly. I'm one of those people who feels that my thoughts are all-important --- to myself. Oddly, I enjoy writing these things, and then immediately going through and reading what I've just written. It kind of allows me to reflect a little bit better. It may sound strange and self-loving, I know, but that's the honest truth. I'm not one to cover anything up. What you see is what you get.
Anyways, I could probably write a whole story about my last few weeks of teaching, but suffice it to say, I'm (yet again) not really in much of a mood to type out the whole thing. The last day was a good one, on a general level. The entire last week I just felt like I had checked out - and the kids had too. My lessons, while still teaching the curriculum, were a bit lacking my usual flair. I also relied heavily on DVDs on the last day. I just could not shake the feeling that a) I didn't care, that b) the kids didn't care, and c) my memories of my own education never had me learning on the last day. It just doesn't make sense to learn on the last day. You're not getting tested or marked on anything, so what is the point? I was also completely out of the mindset of being at my school. A few uber lazy year 10 students handed me some severely overdue coursework, which I was kind enough to (begrudgingly) mark whilst watching DVDs in my other lessons.
I received many cards, candies, cakes and gifts. It was touching, because students that I thought had no regard for me were the ones that expressed the most sadness at seeing me leave. It was heartwarming.
I will undoubtedly miss the students at the school. They can be an inspiring lot, if you get past the trust issues and the laziness (which is extremely hard to do). I won't miss the school itself, of the bureaucracy, or the department in which I worked. That lot, for the most part, can fade into memory for me. A few of them will be kindly remembered, but most won't. One man in particular didn't even bother to say goodbye to me. What a douche. He can rot, for all I care, because he's a pompous little asshole.
But no matter. It is over. I never have to set foot in that school again. If you've read this from the start, you'll know what a trial this past year has been. It's been tough. I've learnt a lot; about teaching, about children, and about myself. I've grown in immense ways, and in ways I never thought imaginable at this time last year. I'd like to think I'm a new person, but really I'm not. I'm the same ol' me, but a little wiser, a little tougher, and a little more prepared. Just a little though.
I am still very nervous about next year, and the new challenge that will bring to me. I feel more prepared than I was last year, starting at a new school, but I still see so many challenges along the way. I'm scared, but I'm also ready. I feel like the fresh start will really give me the chance I need to finally be the teacher I wanted to be, way back in teachers college.
This isn't to say I'm not already that teacher, but I'm not exactly what I had imagined...not quite. I need to have a lot more respect to be the teacher I want to be. Obviously that comes with time, but I'm willing to put it in...so I hope I get it back.
Anyways, thats about all I feel up to writing for now.
My parents are over for a visit, and it's been absolutely lovely to see them. Its so nice to be in the same room with them again, to just chat. Even just watching the television with them is nice, because it takes me back to a simpler time, when I was living at home. I love my parents, and miss them terribly. I dread having them leave to go back to Canada, because it is so comforting to know they're in the same country as me right now. They may not be with me, at the moment, but I feel they are much closer, much more accessible. I feel less detached from home, knowing they are here. It's weird, but true. Seeing them also makes me regret, just a little, my decision to stay here. There are so many reasons for me not to go home, but seeing my parents reminds me of the one reason TO go back; my family. I miss them a lot. The idea of not being near to them for the rest of my life is very intimidating, and its not something that I would do lightly. Obviously, the desire for me to stay in England rests not just in being able to work, but being able to love. I do feel I've met someone who is worth staying here for. He's a really fabulous young man, and right now, the thought of leaving him is out of the question. Which makes things very confusing for me, because I want to stay here and start my future here, but I also have such a strong pull to go home, in my family. They'd be very upset if I chose to stay in England.
It's all so hard to work out, but I know that for the time being I have to focus on the forthcoming year. Whatever happens after that happens. I have to take it one day at a time.
Cheers
Anyways, I could probably write a whole story about my last few weeks of teaching, but suffice it to say, I'm (yet again) not really in much of a mood to type out the whole thing. The last day was a good one, on a general level. The entire last week I just felt like I had checked out - and the kids had too. My lessons, while still teaching the curriculum, were a bit lacking my usual flair. I also relied heavily on DVDs on the last day. I just could not shake the feeling that a) I didn't care, that b) the kids didn't care, and c) my memories of my own education never had me learning on the last day. It just doesn't make sense to learn on the last day. You're not getting tested or marked on anything, so what is the point? I was also completely out of the mindset of being at my school. A few uber lazy year 10 students handed me some severely overdue coursework, which I was kind enough to (begrudgingly) mark whilst watching DVDs in my other lessons.
I received many cards, candies, cakes and gifts. It was touching, because students that I thought had no regard for me were the ones that expressed the most sadness at seeing me leave. It was heartwarming.
I will undoubtedly miss the students at the school. They can be an inspiring lot, if you get past the trust issues and the laziness (which is extremely hard to do). I won't miss the school itself, of the bureaucracy, or the department in which I worked. That lot, for the most part, can fade into memory for me. A few of them will be kindly remembered, but most won't. One man in particular didn't even bother to say goodbye to me. What a douche. He can rot, for all I care, because he's a pompous little asshole.
But no matter. It is over. I never have to set foot in that school again. If you've read this from the start, you'll know what a trial this past year has been. It's been tough. I've learnt a lot; about teaching, about children, and about myself. I've grown in immense ways, and in ways I never thought imaginable at this time last year. I'd like to think I'm a new person, but really I'm not. I'm the same ol' me, but a little wiser, a little tougher, and a little more prepared. Just a little though.
I am still very nervous about next year, and the new challenge that will bring to me. I feel more prepared than I was last year, starting at a new school, but I still see so many challenges along the way. I'm scared, but I'm also ready. I feel like the fresh start will really give me the chance I need to finally be the teacher I wanted to be, way back in teachers college.
This isn't to say I'm not already that teacher, but I'm not exactly what I had imagined...not quite. I need to have a lot more respect to be the teacher I want to be. Obviously that comes with time, but I'm willing to put it in...so I hope I get it back.
Anyways, thats about all I feel up to writing for now.
My parents are over for a visit, and it's been absolutely lovely to see them. Its so nice to be in the same room with them again, to just chat. Even just watching the television with them is nice, because it takes me back to a simpler time, when I was living at home. I love my parents, and miss them terribly. I dread having them leave to go back to Canada, because it is so comforting to know they're in the same country as me right now. They may not be with me, at the moment, but I feel they are much closer, much more accessible. I feel less detached from home, knowing they are here. It's weird, but true. Seeing them also makes me regret, just a little, my decision to stay here. There are so many reasons for me not to go home, but seeing my parents reminds me of the one reason TO go back; my family. I miss them a lot. The idea of not being near to them for the rest of my life is very intimidating, and its not something that I would do lightly. Obviously, the desire for me to stay in England rests not just in being able to work, but being able to love. I do feel I've met someone who is worth staying here for. He's a really fabulous young man, and right now, the thought of leaving him is out of the question. Which makes things very confusing for me, because I want to stay here and start my future here, but I also have such a strong pull to go home, in my family. They'd be very upset if I chose to stay in England.
It's all so hard to work out, but I know that for the time being I have to focus on the forthcoming year. Whatever happens after that happens. I have to take it one day at a time.
Cheers
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
On Writing a Poem
Crushed
Do you really thinks so little,
Of my thoughts,
My views,
My stare
That you'd roll your eyes
And laugh at
All the ways I show I care?
Do I really factor so small,
With the way I try to show
How you're killing me with 'kindness'
Despite the fact I know
You disregard by concern,
And misinterpret my distaste.
You clearly just don't give a damn,
A fact you make with haste.
I'm fed up with trying to change you,
It's a battle never won.
I could try until my face was blue,
Till the setting of the sun.
One day I pray you'll notice,
And feel a pang of some regret,
For the teacher you crushed daily
With your voice,
Your hate,
Your threat.
Do you really thinks so little,
Of my thoughts,
My views,
My stare
That you'd roll your eyes
And laugh at
All the ways I show I care?
Do I really factor so small,
With the way I try to show
How you're killing me with 'kindness'
Despite the fact I know
You disregard by concern,
And misinterpret my distaste.
You clearly just don't give a damn,
A fact you make with haste.
I'm fed up with trying to change you,
It's a battle never won.
I could try until my face was blue,
Till the setting of the sun.
One day I pray you'll notice,
And feel a pang of some regret,
For the teacher you crushed daily
With your voice,
Your hate,
Your threat.
Monday, June 29, 2009
On June Being Nearly Done
I feel I must apologize; I really have been slacking on updating this thing lately. However, I really have been super busy. I've been trying to secure a job for next year (which I was finally successful at obtaining), trying to plan for my two new year 7 groups (it's proven to be MORE work to have these classes than the two year 11groups that I lost - yet another bone of contention that I have these days), having a healthy social life with my wonderful new man, and generally just trying to survive.
I could probably type for ages, and spin a really nice yarn, about everything that's happened over the past few weeks. I've got a few narratives that I'd like to put out there, but I also don't want to bore people with the mediocrity of my life.
I suppose where I should begin is with the tale of my successful job interview.
It started at the ungodly early hour of 5:30 am. I had to get up early, because they'd asked me to be at the school at 8 in the morning, which is before classes start. Usually that wouldn't be a big deal, as I'm at my school now at around that time (or maybe 10 minutes after). However, because the school isn't as close as my current school, I had to work out a different travel plan. Unfortunately the only option open to me, due to where I currently live, was calling a taxi. I knew it was going to cost me a pretty penny, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make. The taxi arrived at 7am, and whisked me on my way.
It was a pretty long ride. If you've ever lived or travelled in England, I think you can sympathize when I say that the roads here are laid out in the most inconvenient way; you can only get into towns or cities via a few select roads. It's not like back home, where you can enter a town on one of many different side or residential roads. In England it seems as if they want to make life hard for communters. You can walk anywhere in this country, and have a multitude of pathways to choose from, but if you're driving you're pretty much stuck with one route. There are rarely alternative routes, unless you want to get sidetracked. It seems like in order to get from A to B you are forced to go through C first, backtrack around D and then finally your path will bring you to B. It's ridiculous. Whoever designed the roadworks here must have been on drugs. You cannot get onto the highways at multiple points either. There are very few spots where you can merge onto a highway. One way, baby.
But anyways, I am digressing. The trip to the school seemed to take an eternity. We also encountered pretty conjested traffic (and this was on COUNTRY roads, mind you), and I started to get a bit nervous that I would be late.
Finally we arrived in the village. Unfortunately, neither myself nor the cab driver knew where the college was. However, he followed some signs, and we found it easily enough. However, unbenounced to us, the school is situated on two sites. I was dropped off at the second site. It was a bit of a trek for me, and I made a few wrong turns, but eventually I found my way to the office.
Walking up to the school, I was struck with how beautiful it was. It seemed to me to be located in a cream colouted, Victorian style mansion. The front entrance was a large, floor to ceiling door wooden door, with marble columns and a round marble porch. As I walked into the reception, I definitely got the impression that the place had been converted from a former home. In the centre, past the main reception, was a large wooden staircase, leading upstairs somewhere. Around me where a few spacious rooms, with high ceilings and wooden floors.
I walked up to the recpetion desk, got a vistors badge, and waited to be collected. Soon one of the assistant heads came and brought me to a meeting room, to fill in a bunch of forms. I was then chatted up by him, and he basically explained that the day would run fairly laid-back. He hinted that they'd already decided to hire me, based on what they'd heard from my current head of department, and that today was just to ensure that it was going to be a good fit. This made me feel a little more secure about the process, as interviews in England can be very daunting.
I was then met by the department head, who was very laid back and friendly. She was a cheery looking, bubbly woman, who made many jokes to try and put me at ease. She seemed to not take things super seriously, which also served to put me at ease. I was definitely starting to feel pretty good about this school.
The department head lead me up the wide wooden stairs, telling me that students did not get to walk up the stairs; it was a privelege only teachers had. They creaked loudly with each step, which instantly made me think of my home in Tillsonburg. We laughed at the noise, and it was explained to me that the building had initally been built by a race horse jockey in the 1900s. However, due to gambling, he had lost all his money, and hence the house. It was then bought by the village and turned into a posh grammar school. Years later it was bought out by the public system, and merged with the school across the pathway (which is why the school is in two sites), to become the school it is today. The English and Maths departments are located in this old main building, and the other departments are in the other half.
I conducted my lesson after this, which I felt went really well. I had a good rapport with the students, which I think was observed. They were also eager to discuss some of the topics I had at hand (the lesson was on facts and opinions), which I think boded well for me.
After the lesson, I was whisked into the 'English Teachers Jacuzzi', which is the comfy English office. It was laden with soft chairs, tables, a mini-fridge, and loads of books and sweets. I was chatted up, and felt completely at home.
I was then given a tour of the school by two year 8 students, and finished with my interview with a panel of governors and the department head.
I answered the questions as honestly as possible, and with as much confidence as I could muster, and it paid off. I was offered the job.
I quickly accepted.
I am so eager to start at this school, because it is absolutely beautiful, and the staff seems very very friendly.
I will update more, as it comes up.
Cheers.
I could probably type for ages, and spin a really nice yarn, about everything that's happened over the past few weeks. I've got a few narratives that I'd like to put out there, but I also don't want to bore people with the mediocrity of my life.
I suppose where I should begin is with the tale of my successful job interview.
It started at the ungodly early hour of 5:30 am. I had to get up early, because they'd asked me to be at the school at 8 in the morning, which is before classes start. Usually that wouldn't be a big deal, as I'm at my school now at around that time (or maybe 10 minutes after). However, because the school isn't as close as my current school, I had to work out a different travel plan. Unfortunately the only option open to me, due to where I currently live, was calling a taxi. I knew it was going to cost me a pretty penny, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make. The taxi arrived at 7am, and whisked me on my way.
It was a pretty long ride. If you've ever lived or travelled in England, I think you can sympathize when I say that the roads here are laid out in the most inconvenient way; you can only get into towns or cities via a few select roads. It's not like back home, where you can enter a town on one of many different side or residential roads. In England it seems as if they want to make life hard for communters. You can walk anywhere in this country, and have a multitude of pathways to choose from, but if you're driving you're pretty much stuck with one route. There are rarely alternative routes, unless you want to get sidetracked. It seems like in order to get from A to B you are forced to go through C first, backtrack around D and then finally your path will bring you to B. It's ridiculous. Whoever designed the roadworks here must have been on drugs. You cannot get onto the highways at multiple points either. There are very few spots where you can merge onto a highway. One way, baby.
But anyways, I am digressing. The trip to the school seemed to take an eternity. We also encountered pretty conjested traffic (and this was on COUNTRY roads, mind you), and I started to get a bit nervous that I would be late.
Finally we arrived in the village. Unfortunately, neither myself nor the cab driver knew where the college was. However, he followed some signs, and we found it easily enough. However, unbenounced to us, the school is situated on two sites. I was dropped off at the second site. It was a bit of a trek for me, and I made a few wrong turns, but eventually I found my way to the office.
Walking up to the school, I was struck with how beautiful it was. It seemed to me to be located in a cream colouted, Victorian style mansion. The front entrance was a large, floor to ceiling door wooden door, with marble columns and a round marble porch. As I walked into the reception, I definitely got the impression that the place had been converted from a former home. In the centre, past the main reception, was a large wooden staircase, leading upstairs somewhere. Around me where a few spacious rooms, with high ceilings and wooden floors.
I walked up to the recpetion desk, got a vistors badge, and waited to be collected. Soon one of the assistant heads came and brought me to a meeting room, to fill in a bunch of forms. I was then chatted up by him, and he basically explained that the day would run fairly laid-back. He hinted that they'd already decided to hire me, based on what they'd heard from my current head of department, and that today was just to ensure that it was going to be a good fit. This made me feel a little more secure about the process, as interviews in England can be very daunting.
I was then met by the department head, who was very laid back and friendly. She was a cheery looking, bubbly woman, who made many jokes to try and put me at ease. She seemed to not take things super seriously, which also served to put me at ease. I was definitely starting to feel pretty good about this school.
The department head lead me up the wide wooden stairs, telling me that students did not get to walk up the stairs; it was a privelege only teachers had. They creaked loudly with each step, which instantly made me think of my home in Tillsonburg. We laughed at the noise, and it was explained to me that the building had initally been built by a race horse jockey in the 1900s. However, due to gambling, he had lost all his money, and hence the house. It was then bought by the village and turned into a posh grammar school. Years later it was bought out by the public system, and merged with the school across the pathway (which is why the school is in two sites), to become the school it is today. The English and Maths departments are located in this old main building, and the other departments are in the other half.
I conducted my lesson after this, which I felt went really well. I had a good rapport with the students, which I think was observed. They were also eager to discuss some of the topics I had at hand (the lesson was on facts and opinions), which I think boded well for me.
After the lesson, I was whisked into the 'English Teachers Jacuzzi', which is the comfy English office. It was laden with soft chairs, tables, a mini-fridge, and loads of books and sweets. I was chatted up, and felt completely at home.
I was then given a tour of the school by two year 8 students, and finished with my interview with a panel of governors and the department head.
I answered the questions as honestly as possible, and with as much confidence as I could muster, and it paid off. I was offered the job.
I quickly accepted.
I am so eager to start at this school, because it is absolutely beautiful, and the staff seems very very friendly.
I will update more, as it comes up.
Cheers.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
On Just Saying
I know I've been awol for the past little while; it's been a busy time for me. I'm in a pretty decent place in life though, all things considered. They could be better, but they could also be a hell of a lot worse. I'm still looking for work, but I remain positive about that. I'll find something.
I'm happy. I'm with a really amazing guy these days, and he makes me smile.
I'm happy. I'm with a really amazing guy these days, and he makes me smile.
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