On Needing to Come Home. Now.

Ugh. I am just hitting my end point, these days. I cannot see how I can make it another week in this country. I am just getting brow-beaten here, and starting to really NOT enjoy my time here. Everything that I do at school these days, I feel like I'm making mistake after mistake. We had to mark each others 'mock exams' (Yah, try wrapping your Canadian minds around the concept of a fake exam). It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. The exams here, in English at least, do not test what you've taught the kids. Not really. It tests whether or not they're literate and can write. There are two different exams that they write; one tests their knowledge of English in general, and the other tests English Literature. That means that, nation wide, these kids are being taught, essentially, the same thing. You may argue that that doesn't sound bad, but after being at CASS, where I was taught how to teach by possibly the brightest English teacher I've ever met (and most forward thinking, at that), I've come to realize how archaic it seems. There is absolutely no fun in the English here. There is no personal flair. I couldn't find a smashing new book, and teach it to my year 11s, because they wouldn't pass the exam at the end of the year. The exam that is on a set, prescribed, canonized text. Sure, one of them is the lovely novel 'Of Mice and Men'. No qualms there. But do the kids really get the novel? Do they walk away from it, and think 'Wow, I really get what he's trying to say about society and humanity'. Doubtful. They teach them to write 'empathetic' responses from the point of view of characters in the novel. Oh. Right. That really gets their brains spinning. It's a joke. A bloody joke. That's what I think of the damn thing. It's the bloody stupidest thing I've ever heard of, and cannot understand why the damn exam has so much weight placed upon it. It's ludicrous.

In Canada, teachers write and mark their own exams. They set the content of their courses, and they leave a LOT more up to the individual. Independent Learning Projects? The dreaded ILPs? Remember those? I remember I had to pick from a list of books, read one, and write a series of journal entries, and a final analytical essay on it. Last year, I did the same thing with the 11s I taught in placement. It was wonderful stuff. I remember producing some really outstanding work on the novels I did for my ILPs; and I could do it at my own pace. The kids last year produced outstanding things for me, and they did it (relatively) on time. This year? Are you kidding me? They preach about independent learning left and right, and yet I've yet to see a single example of it in practice. In English, that is.

I tried assigning books to students, only to find they did not, and I mean ever, complete the reading independently at home. They are so used to being spoon fed, which is to say READ TO, that they expected it; nay, demanded it. So I read the whole bloody book to them. Read aloud to 16 year olds, who are perfectly capable of reading for themselves. Can they possibly understand the book? Maybe, on a basic level, or if they are auditory learners. But it's my opinion that they need to read it for themselves to truly understand it. And many of them WILL have to come back to the novel, when the time to write their exam on it approaches in the summer. What a waste; to re-read a book again, when reading it thoroughly themselves the first time would have sufficed. Lazy gits. Then again, its not really their fault, but rather the system that produced them. They've had their asses wiped for them the whole way through, so why should they change for me? I've never in my life met a people who assume so much for themselves; a people who think they deserve the world on a silver platter, and then some. Self-righteousness abounds.

And it's not just the students. They can't learn that themselves. It's modelled to them by their parents and by the very people who teach them.
'You are British. You are the best. Demand the best. Oh, by the way, here it is, I will give it to you now...but you've got to learn how to get it yourself later....'

The people I work with seem to assume that I have no life whatsoever, aside from bending over backwards to make sure everyone else is happy.
'Are you finding the marking hard to cope with?' they ask.
Oh no, not in the slightest. It's completely normal for me to have to input a different series of grades every two weeks, and then interview every student who received a new report. No, that's not too much.

Add these stupid mock exams to the pile, and my workload increased two-fold. But you know what? I did it. In fact, I was the first one to complete all their marking, I think. We marked each others groups. I got them back as fast as I could. The grades, after all, were due to be in TOMORROW. When did I get MY groups back? Oh, just today. No big deal. Oh, and remember, the marks all need to be put in by tomorrow. Better get on that.

Right. Thanks for that. While you had weeks to get yours on, because I marked them efficiently, it's alright for me to do it the NIGHT before. Perfectly normal. Am I struggling under the weight of the marking? No, not at all. Totally prepared. Thanks for the teamwork.

Then someone had the audacity to tell me I was falling behind in marking my year 8 workbooks.
'I was flipping through them the other day, when you weren't here [nice to know they snoop through my work when I'm off ill, by the way], and noticed you hadn't marked anything in them for a long time,' she said frowning.
'You know, parents do look at these books when they go home, and they'll start worrying if they don't see comments. It starts to build up. And then they'll be calling...' she said, shaking her finger at me.
'Oh. Right. Okay, well I will get on that...' I said, throwing on a fake smile for good measure.
'They're all going to be reviewed after Christmas, so you might like to have a real go through them, before you leave for the holidays. Don't want to fall behind,' she said. She was trying to sound nice, but really she sounded disapproving and condescending. I could almost hear the ',you stupid Canadian' following after.
Frustration bubbled in me, but I increased my fake smile, nodded my head, and said I'd be on it 'post-haste'. You know. Not like I've been ill lately, or anything. Hey. No big deal.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, is going why way. The only positive feedback I got today, and it's been the first in ages, was that my year 10 group appeared to be working really well today, when the head happened to walk through. Of course they were working well, I've finally managed to gain their respect and trust. How did I do this, you ask? Well, I treated them like adults, to begin with. I let them listen to their iPods while doing individual work. Well, she'd caught onto that as well.
'Oh, and this business of your 10s and 11s listening to iPods...it has to stop. It's against school policy,' she said before she left.
'Sure, sorry. They just work better on their coursework if they have their iPods...' I tried to explain.
'Yes, they may, but it is still school policy,' she said curtly, before she left.
Ah, alright then. I can understand that one. I'll stop that tomorrow, as soon as I can. It won't be very popular, and I will likely go down in the books of the kids, yet again, but I don't want to step on any more toes than I already have. What with my falling behind in marking (apparently), and for already being a nose-ring wearing liberal Canadian freak.

Oh, and did I mention that I'm a 'bitch' of a marker? Apparently the mock exams that I marked were 'overly harsh and critical'. They had to re-mark most of them.

Guess that shows how my professional judgement is valued. And it proves, yet again, that these kids have their noses powders and asses wiped for them by the faculty of the school. Heaven forbid they get a mark they actually deserve. It might bruise their ego, and then they'd never bounce back.

*sigh* I am unconditionally bitter today, in case you can't already tell by the scathing remarks and dripping sarcasm. Everyone has their moments, myself included.

I like to think the truth really comes out when I'm upset; my polite Canadian ways get pushed aside, and the claws come out.

I hate this place right now; not really the kids, as it's not their fault, and a lot of them are lovely. But I hate the system they're being mass-produced in, and I hate the bloody country that's churning them out. The government wonders why they have problems, but I know what it is. Get the spoon out out their mouths (and asses), and maybe these kids stand a chance in the world.

Then again, why would they ever leave the Motherland?

I feel for the entire lot, I do.

But, it's nearly time for me to go home, and I cannot wait. This journey across the sea, into this bizarre and foreign culture, has really made me appreciate everything I've left behind. Great parents, great family, great friends, and a great education system. I cannot wait to start working in Canada; teaching kids how to think for themselves, and don't have everyone saying 'one ply or two?'