On Writing For The Sake Of Writing

I think it's been just over a week since I've updated, and I often feel like I should write more than I do. It's not for lack of time that my updates aren't more regular, it's just that I always seem to forget that I have this space to vent. I also don't think it's read nearly as much as it could be, so perhaps these notions that I SHOULD write more are just vanity on my part. I'm not entirely sure. I wish people would at least admit to me when they read this, so that I know who my audience is. That said, I suppose anonymity has it's virtues.

I should also admit to something; if this post rambles on in any fashion, you can chalk it up to my having consumed two stiff vodka and cokes. With lemon. As it were, I seem to be in the habit of consuming an alcoholic beverage with most meals. I'm not entirely sure why this is, and I'd like to justify it in saying that I'm absolutely stressed to the max, and therefore require it as an 'out'. However, should I say this I would be lying. In fact, in calling it 'an' alcoholic beverage I am also lying. It's usually more than one. Any reasonable person, after hearing this, is likely asking why. I wish I could tell you.

While my life is by no means perfect, I am not stressed to the point of being driven to drink. Admittedly, I do hate much of my existence on a daily basis; this is, however, not due to the strenuous lifestyle that I lead. On some days I would argue it is, but most days it is not. If I am honest about it, I drink because I am bored. Or, perhaps if I searched harder for a better definition...lonely.

I realise that is a terrible reason. You don't have to lecture me. I've told it to myself time and time again. It is actually a piss-poor reason, and I should be ashamed. Trust me, I am. I don't think it is a problem though; I am by no means an alcoholic. Rather, I have nothing better to do but to have a few drinks to numb the senses.

Perhaps that's what all alcoholics say though. I'm not sure. I doubt it.

The good news is I've got a tight budget, and the only reason I have so much booze in the house right now is that I've recently had guests. Before their visit, I stocked up on booze. As such, I've got a bit of a surplus now. I drink because I can. It is here. On a normal day, it is not. I used to only buy booze on weekends, in the rare event that I had plans. I'm nearly down to the last of my stock though, which means my days of a nightly whistle wetting are winding down. Take comfort in that, at least.

I am just so horribly home sick and lonely. I really do wish I had more friends in this country, who would drag me out of the house during the week on occasion. I think if I were to be living at home again, I wouldn't spend nearly as much time alone in my room. At least at home I would have the option of being social in front of the tv. That's something. At the moment, I can watch television shows on my laptop, but that is almost the extent of it. It gets mighty boring, watching television off of a tiny screen on your lap. Most days, when I get home from work I don't open my mouth once to talk to another human being. I type most correspondences. How pathetic is that?

I really do need to make friends that are not teachers. Friends that don't go home from work and then continue to work.

I've been really good this year (since Christmas), in terms of getting ALL my school-related work done AT school. I rarely bring work home, aside from some minor marking and planning. The workload I do at home has decreased a lot since before Christmas, simply because I've decided to use my time at work more productively. That often means not leaving the building until 6pm; however, I'd rather stay there until that hour and get a lot done than bring it home and do it. I hate associating my home life with my work life. If I kept doing that, I really WOULD develop a drinking problem.

Anyways, I'm in the process of looking for a new place to live. I'm not sure if I will actually follow through with moving (it's a lot of work, considering I don't have a car), but it's nice to see myself actually putting in the effort, instead of blindly complaining.

I should be off now though.

Please don't bombard me with messages about my drinking. I promise you it is not bad, it's just something I've been doing because I'm bored and because I can. When my supplies dry up, so will I.

Cheers.